Into the Light My Friend

Cody Hansen April 26, 2001 - January 22, 2013

My last day with my beloved Cody was as perfect as it could have been. The night before he had been in so much pain that he need an injection of morphine to go to sleep. We had slept soundly, together curled up on a mattress I placed on the floor. I woke up early with a sense of dread mixed with nervous anticipation; was it really going to be the day that I said good bye to him? When owners ask me how will they know when it is time, it always sounds a little trite to respond with "you will know," but most of the time if you allow yourself the opportunity to listen to your heart and read your pet's body language you do know when it is time. I knew I wanted to give him the gift of happiness and peace and a pain-free, anxiety-free passing. I knew I didn't want to end up at the emergency hospital in the middle of the night with him in a panic and me in tears with someone I didn't know. I had the opportunity to guide the situation. I reached out to people I felt might be able to help and was so grateful for the response. By noon I had a plan that I was comfortable and at ease with. That morning we took a walk in the open space by my house and Cody played fetch in his wheel chair. What a gift that wheel chair was because it allowed him to do the thing he loved best - chase the ball!

The cat gets in on the action

The other necessary thing do to that morning was pass a urinary catheter to empty his bladder. The night before I had pulled the urinary catheter that had been placed at the hospital because it might have been part of his discomfort. Passing a urinary catheter is a relatively easy thing to do, but does require sterile technique and expertise. Most owners with paralyzed dogs learn how to express their pet's bladder with external pressure and they get quite good at it. Repeated catheterizations are not ideal because the likelihood of a urinary tract infection is quite high. Basically there's no great solution for a dog that cannot urinate. There are surgical ports that can be placed that may or may not be appropriate considering the patient, owner, and circumstances. The reason the dogs cannot urinate is because the nerve that controls the relaxation of the bladder sphincters is damaged. Cody's was definitely not working properly.
We spent the morning playing fetch in the sun. My cat was happy to join us outside, and although did not appear interested in the ball, had a good time frolicking in the sun with Cody and me.

Playing ball in his wheel chair

Cody had an appointment to swim that afternoon, but before we went swimming I took him to the emergency and specialty hospital to get his bladder emptied again and say good-bye to his oncologist. Empty bladder, big hugs, tearful sighs and we were on our way.
Cody got to swim for an hour and a half. We played classical music and took pictures. My big beautiful pup was at ease in the water. He was suited up in a float coat and float rings around is neck and pelvis, so all he had to do was dog paddle, letting his back legs just hang. His concentration on the ball was so focused, so intense that not even a squirrel running through the room would have broken his stare. It was a delight to watch him in his element. I recall his very first swimming lesson when he was just a puppy. There was about 5 minutes of panic and adjustment, then we couldn't drag him out of the pool! Get near water and Cody would be diving in.
Then it was time to leave the pool. Again with the big hugs and tearful good-byes we made our way home.
Cody was put to sleep on the lawn that he had played ball on so many times. He was surrounded by loving family members. I held his head in my arms while he held onto his ball. I buried my face in his soft fur and whispered to him how much I loved him and that he was a good boy.
My grief will ease with time I know, but there are many things that trigger the memories. It is important to allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes. My family and friends have been a wonderful support during this difficult time. His ashes and mementos are on a shelf with my other pets that have passed away. I hope that they are all playing together in that place where pet's souls go. I look forward to playing with them again.

This is the thank you card that I made to send to all the wonderful people who helped me and Cody.

3x5 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.